Happy Birthday Mom!

Today would have been my mother's 61st Birthday. We decided to celebrate it at one of her favorite restraunts, Charlestons. She picked it a lot for her birthday dinner so we felt it was only appropriate. Afterwards we went and visited her grave at the Mesa cemetary. It's hard to believe that it has been almost 7 months since she went home to our Heavenly Father. This year the Holidays have been extremely difficult but I know that she would not want us to be sad and feel the way we are feeling.

Mom, I just want you to know how much I love you and miss you. There are so many things that I miss:

• I miss watching all of our TV shows that we would record and watch together.
• I miss your laughter. You always had a way of making me feel like I was quite humorous because you always laughed at my stories and jokes.
• I miss listening to our books on CD together.
• I miss your cooking.
• I miss you listening to me every day after work and letting me tell you all the things going on in my life.
• I miss shopping with you.
• I miss wrapping Christmas presents with you.
• I miss your smile.
• I miss your comforting presence.
• I miss your loving heart.
• I miss your stories
• I miss you needing me to take care of you.
• I miss you complaining about every body spray or perfume I would ever wear or the smell of my fabric softener (that you ended up liking right before you passed away).
• I miss your example "giving to others". You are truly a Christlike example of this.
• I miss so many things about you that I could go on forever.
  

Mom...I hope that this Birthday is a special one on the other side. I hope that you celebrated with our loved ones who have passed on before us. I hope that Grandpa Peel sang "Happy Birthday" to you in his low deep voice. I hope that Grandma Bobbie gave you a face massage and told you stories about Little Phil. I hope you held Micah and gave him hugs for all of us. I hope that your day was full of love...because your loved ones here on Earth all sent their love from their hearts today. We love you so much and miss you. I am truly blessed that you are my mother.

Colton, Bryten, Cason, and Chace at Grandma's grave - 12/21/2008

26 lbs...but who the heck is counting????

So I got to go to the store and get a new shirt...not the normal size that I normally would get. That's pretty cool huh? The coolest thing is that I was able to buy a pair of jeans...that not only were a size smaller but they actually fit good and I like them a lot. Bryten thinks it's funny that I'm actually wearing jeans that have a button and a zipper...instead of the elastic waistband kind.

I AM

I am

I am... a single mother, sister, daughter and a friend.
I think...too much sometimes
I want...a husband who is my best friend and a temple marriage.
I have...so much to be thankful for.
I miss...my sweet mother who left us this year.
I fear...that I am not preparing my child enough for this crazy world.
I feel...lonely most of the time.
I hear...Bryten trying to convince Grandpa to help her put up Christmas lights.
I smell...my meatloaf and baked potatoes cooking in the oven.
I crave...sushi.
I cry...daily it seems...ugh...will it ever end?
I search...for understanding and comfort.
I wonder...if I will ever find my eternal companion.
I regret...not going to college and wasting too much time in a dead end marriage.
I wish...I could buy my own house.
I love...my daughter with all my heart, and my stinkin cute nephews.
I care...too much about people and sometimes that's a downfall.
I always...say my prayers at night.
I worry...about my dad's health and his job.
I am not...very good at being patient.
I remember...the sound of my mom's voice.
I believe...families ARE forever
I sing...in the car, but not very good.
I don't always...treat my daughter with the kindness and patience that I should.
I argue...mainly with my daughter, I could never really win with my mom or sister.
I write...on my blog...once in a while!
I lose...patience very quickly...too quickly.
I listen...to music that comforts me.
I can usually be found...at the computer (work or play)
I need...to get out more!!!
I forget...huh? I just forgot.
I am happy...when I am with family and friends.

Tag You're It...

!!! 20 lbs. Down...YAY!!! - 65 more to go!!!

I finally hit the 20 lb. mark on Monday. I am ecsatic. It seems to have started coming off a little slower as of late however I have found that I have been hungrier than I should be and more often. Of course the band hasn't been tightened yet..that will happen tomorrow. I am hopeful that it will help with the hunger and that I will be able to lose another 10 lbs by the first part of January. I'd like to get a new dress for my cousins wedding in January. Come on pounds....go...go....go...go...

I don't think that's working.

I am actually seeing a huge difference in my pants and my shirts. I didn't measure my inches before surgery although I should have. I think I've lost it more in inches than I have lbs. I just wish that I'd lose some in my face, that would be nice.

All in all I am happy I had it done and am just excited for more to come off.

Can I get a WHOO HOO...louder...WHOO HOO

Latest Picture - 16lbs. Lost - November 12th, 2008

WHOO HOO 15lbs gone!

I must say that this weekend has been very exciting for me. I have been able to wear two shirts that I had purchased that were too small. I decided to keep them around with the hopes that I'd be able to wear them someday..."motivation". I was able to wear them!! My pants are starting to fit loosely and the rear end of the pants are starting to get a little baggy! This feels great!!!

Update 10/27/08 - Down 11 lbs.

Lap Dance Surgery...OOPS, I mean Lap Band

For those of you who know me, you know that I have struggled with my weight most of my life. Since my divorce 8 years ago it just took a turn for the worse and I ended up at a point where I was extremely unhappy with myself. After trying multiple diets I started looking into the Lap Band surgery in November of 07. Finally on October 22ND I was able to have the surgery.

First, let me tell you that if anyone ever says that this is taking the easy way out...you can slap them. It's not. How many of you know that eating chocolate cake, ice cream, french fries, pie, etc... is going to put weight on you? How many of you can stay away from it? When we are told "no" we usually "do". On the other hand, if you get sick when doing it then it is no longer fun..kind of like putting your hand on the hot stove. If it hurts then you learn not to do it.

So no more soda, white bread, white rice, pasta, potatoes, and many more things that I liked to eat. Now it is small portions, very little starches, no drinking when eating, and lots and lots of chewing of the food. I know that I'm giving up a lot to do this but the ultimate result will hopefully be the payoff. So I'm not doing it by just watching what I eat and doing lots of exercise which is how my sister would prefer that I do it, but I am finally getting some kind of help to limit the foods I eat and hopefully as I start to lose I will enjoy the exercise and be more active.

The surgery went well and I have 4 incisions on my upper stomach area. They are quite sore right now but I can tell that 3 days after the surgery I am feeling much better. The first week is nothing but liquids so I have has lots of broth, yogurt, jello, juice, etc... I am looking forward to some food that has more substance such as grilled fish, cottage cheese, scrambled eggs, etc...mmmmm mmmmmm good...boy does that sound like a Thanksgiving dinner about now.

I have talked to a lot of people that have had it and most of them tell you they would do it again in a heartbeat. There are things that they miss but they find they can eat most things in moderation as long as they watch the intake and exercise.

So as I start my journey on this, I will be posting pictures at different milestones so hopefully any of you that enjoy reading can see my progress. Ready, Set, Go...

Healing

Wow, where has the time gone. It's been so long since I created this and posted something. I had a fear that would happen. I will try to be better.

I have titled this blog post as "Healing".

The last 3 1/2 months have been a healing time for me and my family. My mother passed away in May. I never thought my heart could hurt so much or be so empty. I remember going through my divorce and the emptiness and the pain that I felt. I felt so defeated and so "dead". I can't say that the pain is the same but they are both a time of grieving for a loss.

I never thought there would be the day that my mom wasn't there to talk to. I didn't realize that I would not have that comfort of her constant companionship. It isn't there anymore and it's a loss that is undescribable. She was my true best friend. I remember when she was diagnosed and she didn't want tears, she wanted us to be strong. We sure tried but I remember one day telling her that I didn't know what I'd do if I didn't have her to talk to. That was an understatement. Mothers are truly our gift from our Heavenly Father. There is a reason that we have mothers. My mom was not perfect and I am not going be one of those that pretends that she was, but .... I wouldn't have traded her for the world. She listened, she probed, she cared, she helped, and she did all of these things because she loved so deeply. Her daughters and her grandkids were her most treasured posessions. She loved her neices and nephews almost as much as her own kids....maybe just as much.

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever."

The days have gotten easier although there are moments that it all just feels so "un-real".

Mom fought so hard and she wanted to beat this cancer. In the end, she couldn't fight it anymore and she was in a lot of pain the last several months as the cancer took over her body. She was able to stay with us for 13 months after diagnosis and they were months that I am so glad that I had with her. Not nearly enough, but I'm thankful for what I had.

She decided to have most of her family come for a "family reunion" of sorts before she would leave this earth and return to our Heavenly Father. She was surrounded by her mother, her husband, her children, her grandchildren, all of her siblings, neices, and nephews, and friends. She was loved and the gathering that took place around her truly showed that.

She took her last breath at home on May 23rd, 2008. Ironically it was her sister, Debbie's birthday. I was praying that it would not happen on the 25th, as it was Bryten's birthday and I didn't want her to have to go through life sharing that date. Debbie on the other hand was honored to share that date and I believe my mother knew it was o.k.

Alaska Cruise - 2006